I don’t know much about psychology so I had to Google it and TADA! The first record of OCD dates back to 14th century Europe when it was believed that people who suffered the mental disorder were possessed by the Devil, who had to be purged out through exorcism. In the early 1900s Sigmund Freud of Austria described OCD as a ‘sensation phobia’ and in 1994 Dr. Scott Rauch of Massachusetts led an entire research program about this disorder for over a decade, presumably conceding that only individuals as such suffer from the ritual compulsions of obsessive thoughts. But did they ever visualize that communities after communities in the ‘obscure’ East (read India here) have been undergoing the OCD experience for generations without any tics, anxiety disorders or suicidal tendencies. People might read these as social and cultural norms and preferences repeated over ages, but really is it that simple an explanation? What’s with the IAS competition of getting the ‘Bradley Cooper’ boyfriend or the ‘Sita + Hilary Clinton’ daughter-in-law? I have no wish to place a debate here concerning the view of practicality in such ‘expectations’ – in fact, aren’t these instances of obsessions of thought and compulsion of action? I don’t know about other communities, however have you really heard of an entire community suffering from an OCD of stereotype when it comes to its preferences? If not, here we are – the Bengalis! And trust us, when we say we have done our Ph.Ds in socio – cultural OCDs. LITERALLY!
1. THE SACRED MENU….
- Every day: Rice. Macher Jhol. Dal. Torkari.
- Special occasions: Khichdi/ Puri. Alurdum. Kosha Mangsho. Amer Chutney. Rosogolla. Mishti doi.
- Festives: Pithe – puli. Patishapta. Taler bora. Payesh.
- Mohan Bagan – East Bengal Football Match Day: Chingri – macher malai curry . Sorshe elish.
Whether the Earth is falling apart or the Sun is getting extinguished, NO CHANGE. And if these laws go heeded in your gathering, people come home like–
BUT if you ever attempt to change the Divine Laws, it’s bound to be like–
Yes. Ask any Bangali for suggestions of tourist spots and he/she ‘ll tell you – “Are Dipuda is there, bhai!” Confused?
It’s the SMS language for the Bengal tourist Trinity – Digha – Puri – Darjeeling. What is effectively more flamboyant of your Bangaliana elite tastes than filling your Facebook Home Page with pictures of the Kanchenjunga, the Konark Temple or the Digha beaches? It will produce the appreciation for ‘great achievements’ from your entire squad –
And you would be like –
3. ARE AMADER ‘KOBIGORU!
The national poet of India is our next door neighbor at Santiniketan… his works are our property meant to be played anytime and anywhere (with no exceptions) and anyhow!!! Its always “Modhuro dhoni baaje…“
Hell yeah! He is our Man of all Seasons – but if you get one word wrong, the WHOLE OF BENGAL goes (in the classical Sheldon note) –
4. DO IT – THE JADAVPUR OR PRESIDENCY WAY!
If the Evil lecturer says to you in class –
In the Bengali rule book of popular (innocent) protest – you either go –
OR your ‘cigarette and bangla’ squad VS Villain Lecturer goes –
OR EVEN BETTER the whole hyper – political University goes –
5. BENGALI JHAARI MAARA?
Confused about whether your human obsession is THAT INTO YOU? And you feel desperately suspicious and unsure?
What follows are the LONG HOURS OF BENGALI SQUAD ‘enthusiasm’ COUNSELLING with your best friend giving the much needed Valedictorian speech –
But the next day as your human obsession asks you out for a date in a place of your own preference, you have just ONE WORD – “VICTORIAR BADAM BHAJA!” And in the next Squad Conference, your introduction speech is actually ‘Racheal’ classy –
6. THE POET AND THE BITCH!
The BOYFRIEND –
“Chul tar kobekar ghono ondhokar bidishar nisha” … HAPPY POETIC DAY DREAMS! AND DON’T LET THE REALITY BUGS BITE YOU!
And the squad, when he drops in for a surprise visit –
But with a cheating scum treating the darling of the gang like shit, we are always –
SIMILARLY, when the hottest guy in the pack brings his hot girl to the club – the general reaction:
YET the ‘peet ke piche group stunt’ goes … of course divided along gender lines –
AND IF SHE TURNS OUT TO BE THE SHE – WOLF ‘Leengi maara’ (dumping) type, again sexually demarcated provocations –
7. MATRIMONIAL SI AANKHE, SABKO AB TAAKE JAAKE…MATRIMONIAL SI AANKHE, DHOONDHE RE CHEHRE BAANKE!!!
SHIKKHITO KORMOROTA PATRI / JOGGO PATRER JONNO AGRAGONYO! Kintu the CRITERIA –
DOCTOR/ENGINEER/ NRI in New York -? The Banga Lalana is like –
The Fifty shades of BOU(MA) checklist –
- Sundar ho susheela, rang chandi sa chamkeela.
- Degree bhi ho fashion bhi jaane.
- Ho Seeta jaise naari aur jaane duniya-dari – Piya ko sab kuch hi woh mane.
- Dil se Dilli ho woh dhadkan se ho London.
- Kaam mein jo na ho lazy – Ho jis mein 3G ki tezi.
- Jo laaye good luck hi good luck sada.
8. ‘KU’SHOL SONGSAAR – ???
Nope… no one agrees … its diversity in unity!
And the ultimate battle lines are drawn – ?
When the wife realizes that her hubby is the Mama’s boy –
When the mother realizes that her son has become the ‘bou – er anchol dhora’ type –
It’s not a local war! Its Bisho – juddho! IN – LAWS VS IN – LAWS…
[Bell strikes] ENTER: The (Lord of Ambiguity) Sosur Moshai (which one?) in the War of Kutumbs!
The HOT & COLD WAR : when the chele try to intervene between Ma and Bou –
A household Chamberlain? The scapegoat’s policy of appeasement…
The first of the many jhogras and mimangshas –
The inevitable END NOTE of every bangali poribaar ….
9. PUJO ‘PORIKROMA’?
Gachero parbo … matir o kurobo!!! Kartik or Lokkhi and Shimla – dutoi ekshathe dekha chai!!!
10. AAR LAST – THE UNITED COLORS OF KOLKATA.
Take the world and paint it Blue – the colour of mamata (kindness)!!!
NEED I SAY MORE OF THIS BANGALI OCD ?????